To kick start my New Year, I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
•New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. - Jay Leno
•On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. As the clock struck - the bartender was almost crushed to death. (love this one!)
•When I thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year, I gave up thinking.
•You know its time for a New Year's Resolution to Lose Weight when you step on a talking scale and it says, "One at a time, please!"
•A friend asks his friend for a cigarette. His friend says, "I think you made a New Year resolution to quit smoking". The man says, " I am in the process of quitting". Right now, I am in the middle of phase one. What's phase one? I've quit buying.
•Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. - Mark Twain
•God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. - Author Unknown
•Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to. - Bill Vaughn
•People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas. - Author Unknown
•An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. - Billy Vaughn
•The only way to spend New Year's Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears. - W.H. Auden
Happy New Year Streakers!
•New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. - Jay Leno
•On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. As the clock struck - the bartender was almost crushed to death. (love this one!)
•When I thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year, I gave up thinking.
•You know its time for a New Year's Resolution to Lose Weight when you step on a talking scale and it says, "One at a time, please!"
•A friend asks his friend for a cigarette. His friend says, "I think you made a New Year resolution to quit smoking". The man says, " I am in the process of quitting". Right now, I am in the middle of phase one. What's phase one? I've quit buying.
•Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. - Mark Twain
•God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. - Author Unknown
•Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to. - Bill Vaughn
•People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas. - Author Unknown
•An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. - Billy Vaughn
•The only way to spend New Year's Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears. - W.H. Auden
Happy New Year Streakers!
