Santa must be a woman

moslowjj · Dec 12, 2008

Santa Claus is a woman because:

The vast majorities of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve and only go for a last-minute shopping spree.
For a he-Santa, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh.
Even if the male Santa did have reindeer, he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
For a Santa man, there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repaint bricks in the flue.
He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.
Men can't pack a bag.
Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves.
Men don't answer their mail.
Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
Having to do the 'Ho Ho Ho' thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment