I'm overwhelmed/Caregiver burnout!

[CALizzz]

I wanted to catch up with all of you that have prayed, etc. for my Mom this past yr.

She's been back home since the 19th of last month. When we brought her home, changed her clothes, her left side, from her breast to her ribs were black, blue and purple. I cried! The faciliy she was in called my Sister 2 weeks prior and said "your Mom is complaning of pain, we're going to do some X-rays, we'll let you know the results" Called back that everything was fine!!
Well, they covered up there "mistake" We believe they dropped her. Her left ankle is swollen as well. This is a case of elderly abuse- no way round it! We have hired a attorney to file criminal charges. I took photos.

I've been taking care of her full time. I go home some weekends late Fri. and come back Sunday afternoon. It's full 'custodial' care. She's not walking, can't use the loo, and can't sit on her own. We are hoping this will change. She is eating real food, and her mind and sense of humor are sharp (most of the time)

She had a short stay in the hospital the last 2 days, her insides were clogged- (nice way of putting it)

I love my Mom, we are really tight. She cries when my Sister comes to take over, but knows I need some time.

Services that should have been set up before her coming home were not in place, to say the least. It makes things so much harder. But, we are learning.

Today, I've been crying on and off all day, I know I'm doing a better job than I think I am. I'm pretty up-beat with Virginia, even when I'm changing a diaper.

The best advice I could give is PUT YOUR WISHES ON PAPER!!! NO MATTER YOUR AGE! As we know, life can change in an instant!!

When the dust settles, so to speak and we get all the info and help thats available I'd like to put together a pamphlet for other familes going thru this to help with resoures available!

Teri and I are picking her up from the hospital in a few hrs. just waiting for one of the Dr.'s to ok it.

Love and Light,
Liz

"A box of rain will ease the pain and love will see you thru" -- R. Hunter and Jerry Garcia

 

[sorcer3ss (RETIRED)]

I really feel for you Liz and will keep you in my prayers, being a caregiver is one of the most difficult jobs there is. I looked after my mum for approx a year before she died, she basically could look after herself, but I had to dress her foot ulcer several times a day and was totally oncall. Luckily after my dad had died we bought a house with my mum, she was totally separate on the ground floor and we had the upper floor. We had intercom which made things easier, but I had young children at the time and I just got so worn out and would snap at everyone.

Well I hope you get that nursing home good and proper it is disgraceful that your poor mum suffered like that, the need to be brought to account for that.

 

[labell]

My heart goes out to you and your mom Liz....

is there an Area Council on Aging in your county that night help with additional services? We have one here which is a great help...

I'll keep you both in my prayers - especially you for strength.

 

[cas1944]

I feel for you Liz. My hubby had a stroke and heart attack .I was his caregiver for almost 10 years,the last year being the worst. I loved him dearly but it was so very hard sometimes. The last 4 months of his life really took a toll on me. He could do nothing for himself.Thank God I had my daughters to help me.
Your idea of a pamplet sounds like a great idea! With medical costs being so high today people need to be informed where they can go for help and how to go about doing it.

I will keep you and your mom in my thought and prayers. You are a wonderful person Liz!

Hugs

 

[krazy2go]

I know what you are going through. I don't know if you'll remember, but about a year and a half ago, my husband and I moved his elderly parents from TN to up the street from us here in ID. Well, things got bad real fast. Father-in-law had dementia and finally couldn't be left alone and mother-in-law who had been taking care of her husband fell twice and wound up in the hospital both times. When there, I (who work from home) went over to "sit" for his Dad (who was in a wheelchair, would fall asleep smoking, and was verbally and sometimes physically abusive to me and anyone whom came in contact with him) had to put up with a lot from him. He was manipulative, would take his adult diapers and basically throw them on the floor in his bedroom when he could take himself to the bathroom, would interrupt me on the phone making stupid noises (nanny, nanny boo, boo -- he'd be yelling) when he knew I was on conference calls with clients. And, when I was done sitting and working at his place for 12 hours each day, my husband would come over after work and take over. I got to the point where after the first time his wife came home from the hospital and he started slapping her (when should could barely walk) as a "joke" and I saw her to it back to him, I told both of them to grow up. She's totally "there in the mind", but everyone kept making excuses for him.

I told them if she wound up in the hospital again (which she did) that I would NOT sit for him again. It happened and I stuck to my word and almost lost my marriage over it. But, now he's in a mental nursing home facility 45 minutes away (we tried to keep him closer in a nursing home, starting first with assisted living, but they basically in both places said they couldn't handle him) and my mother-in-law went from assisted living (after coming home from the hospital the second time, to a nursing home 5 minutes away.

The "care taking" part I thought was over, but though they are not being "sat" by us anymore, his father's behavior has gotten so bad that he really should be in a straight jacket (I hate to say that). And, his wife doesn't even ask about him and is now like a "queen bee" where's she at to the point the nursing home said that if she continues to be so "high maintenance" (stalking nurses for constant care when she doesn't need it, complaining, lying to staff, being just a plain old "bitty"--that's how I put it) that they would ask we move her elsewhere. So, each day I dread the phone call that is going to say, "Come get them." It doesn't seem to get better.

Meanwhile, my Mom is across the country in NJ, living by herself, going blind in one eye, but trying to do the best she can by herself. My brother lives an hour away and goes by once or twice a week, but I long to be there with her but can't for many reasons.

Anyway, when I say I know how you feel, believe me, I know how you feel. If you can, see if your Mom qualifies for medicaid of some sort or "home health services" through Medicare. If so, someone will be able to come out to the the home (free of charge to you or your Mom) to take care of her for health reasons and give you a much needed break.

I don't know if you are in the US, but if you want, PM me and let me know what state you live in and I'd be more then happy to try to get you some links or resources to contact. I've been there done that so I might be able to find contacts for you that you might not even be aware of.

Sorry to be so verbose, but friend girl, I feel for you and will help if I can.

Meanwhile, smile and think "green beer"!!!!

 

[CareyG]

Liz you are doing a wonderful job with your mom. That nursing home cannot get away with what they did to her!! How absolutely appalling!! PLease tell Virginia that we didnt forget her and that we all send her our best.

Krazy, wow, you really had it rough girl!! I dont think I could do what you did.

I had been caregiver to my grandmother a few years ago when she had to come live with us, she was 94. So I can totally relate, its NOT easy!​

 

[Spin2Win]

It's a tough thing to go through, very exhausting at times ... but soooooo worth it when caring for someone who is ill and in need of care. I did it for both my Mother & Mother-In-Law.

I found it to be most rewarding in that being so very close and personal with them both, I shared in things with them that no one else would ever/could never have and those memorie are so very dear to me to this day.

Trust me when I tell you ... that both you & your sister will be blessed BEYOND MEASURE for the love and care you're giving your Mom.

Love ya, Liz .... hang tough!
You're all in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[cas1944]

That is so true Vickie!!

:0))It's love that keeps you strong.

 

[CALizzz]

I want to sincerly thank each one of you for sharing with me and offering support!!

I always tell my Mom that the Streak is praying for here! She know "you guys" and what great friends I've made!!!

Time to get her up, changed and dressed..

I'll be back to read each post, just wanted to say a quick THANK YOU!!!

:0))

XoXoX

 

[judyb57]

You are not alone Liz! While we can not offer you any physical support, we can certainly offer you all the emotional support you need. You do not have to go through this alone, you have all of us!

 

[CareyG]

​

 

[MotelPrisoner]

Awww...I know exactly how you feel, Liz. When my Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer; I was his sole caregiver 99% of the time. I did it for 5 years until he passed on. Nevermind that I had 5 siblings who could have helped; but didn't. Nevermind that my mom lived in the same damned house but couldn't be bothered with him. I digress...

Anyhow, I spent my nights reading to him til the morphine let him sleep for 30 minutes, and my days rolling him so he didn't get bed sores, changing sheets, bathing him, shaving him, feeding him, cleaning his breathing machine and other medical equipment...but I don't need to list it all for you; you know.

I must have done a good job (or a really bad one) because God saw fit to put me right back in the same place with my BF getting ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease). Thankfully, his family is doing the 99% and I am only doing the 1% this time; but it is still hard mentally.

Boy, this is turning into a book! Let's just end it by saying I am extremely grateful for the time I spent with my dad all those years and wish I had known how I would feel about it today...I would not have spent so much time hating my life and all of those who could have helped, but didn't. I also got to know my dad a lot better than I would have being in a different situation. Those who didn't help missed out on some truly precious moments. THAT is what makes me smile now...remembering all the great books we read together and playing Jeopardy along with the TV.

Stay strong Lizzie! You WILL be rewarded with happy memories in a sad situation and loving thoughts of you mom for the rest of your life.