Wouldn't
it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, come out
wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?
Last year I joined a support
group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet...
I don't trip over
things, I do random gravity checks!
I don't need anger management. I
need people to stop pissing me off!
Old age is coming at a really bad
time!
When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment... now, as
a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation!
The biggest lie I tell
myself is... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
Lord
grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to
change the things I can & the friends to post my bail when I finally
snap!
I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just very
wise.
My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that
needs work.
Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining
order is just a piece of paper.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he
would've put them on my knees.
The kids text me "plz" that is shorter
than please. I text back "no" that is shorter than "yes".
I'm going to
retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do that second
week.
When did it change from "We the people" to "screw the
people"
Even duct tape can't fix stupid... but it can muffle the
sound!
Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna
transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
Of course I talk to
myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
Oops! Did I roll my eyes out
loud?
At
my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came
in there for.
Chocolate
comes from cocoa which is a tree... that makes it a plant which means...
chocolate is Salad!!!
HUgs
