Divorce Letter
Dear Wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've
been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your
job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn't even
notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a
brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to
sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me
anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me any more; whatever the
case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia
together! Have a great life!
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Dear Ex-Husband:
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you & I
have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what
you've been.... I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your
constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when
you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You
look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if
you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.
When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY
SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk
boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on
them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50
from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could
work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job
& bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica , but when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling
life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures
you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
Your Ex-Wife, Rich as Hell & Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born
Carl. I hope that's not a problem....
Dear Wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've
been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your
job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn't even
notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a
brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to
sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me
anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me any more; whatever the
case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia
together! Have a great life!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Ex-Husband:
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you & I
have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what
you've been.... I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your
constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when
you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You
look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if
you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.
When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY
SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk
boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on
them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50
from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could
work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job
& bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica , but when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling
life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures
you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
Your Ex-Wife, Rich as Hell & Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born
Carl. I hope that's not a problem....
