Brother-in-Law

[titanic71212]

I know i don't post alot anymore, but do come around everyday to read all about it.

Looking for some advice here, my brotherinlaw went in for neck surgery the day after Thanksgiving, when he woke up he could not feel his legs. The prognosis is poor, he will probably never walk again. The surgeon cut a nerve he shouldn't have, (that is for the lawyers). My issue is visiting him, my sister who is my best friend is beside herself with all the visitors and friends who keep stopping by, she said to me on the phone. I do not want to burdeon them with my visit, but I so want my brother in law to know I have been thinking of him often these days, and have cried for my sister him and their 3 teenage children, as their lives will never be the same again. He is only 36 years old, and the people I have spoken to who have visited him say he is very very mean and very very angry, I understand this and this is not what is holding me back, I just want them to know that I am thinking of him daily and of my nephews and niece and of course my sister who is a wreck.. What should I do???? I don't think visiting is an option right now, he is being transferred to a rehab to learn the wheelchair, and life all over again. Any suggestions please.

Thanks
Kandy

 

[MotelPrisoner]

Hey Kandy,

I am terribly sorry to hear about your brother in law's situation. My suggestion is to do things to let him know you are thinking of him instead of visiting right now. Send flowers, magazines and cards as often as you can. If he has a favorite food that you can easily get to him, (and he doesn't have any dietary restrictions) send an edible basket instead of flowers. I don't think guys are much into flowers anyhow.

Write him a short note telling him how much he means to you and your family. A lot of his anger will stem from his thoughts of no longer being a complete man. He is wondering how he will support his family, play with his kids, do the things he is responsible for around the house, etc. He needs to know that you are there for him and his family. He is going to be angry for a while no matter what anyone does or says. It's just the natural reaction to a life changing event. Be patient with him, he's not really himself right now.

I think the way to be most helpful is to see what you can do for your sister. Does she need help within her household? Babysitting? Cleaning/Cooking? Transportation? Just a sympathetic ear?

I'll keep him and your family in my prayers. Don't give up hope. Modern medicine has been making great progress with those kinds of injuries. Miracles DO happen!

Hugs,
MP

 

[CareyG]

Oh Kandy I am so sorry!! That is horrible news!! He went in for neck surgery and now he is paralyzed?? OMG that poor man!! I think if you tell your sister you want to be there but want to give him his space right now, she will totally understand. As motelprisoner said, there is probably something she may need help with that would help ease her burden right now, I would focus on her and the kids and helping them and let him deal with this on his own for now.​

 

[sorcer3ss (RETIRED)]

So sorry Kandy that is just an awful thing to happen. I think Motel Prisoner had some great suggestions, keep in touch with your sister by phone, even if it is just a short call, if she lives close drop in an odd meal for her and the kids, she is going to be exhausted running to and from hospital. And most of all, later when everyone else drops off, will be the time you can move in with the visits etc. Everyone always rallys around at first and then don't bother as much.

 

[titanic71212]

wow thank you guys, I didn't even think to send somethings with a note, and i did that just an hour ago after i read suggestions what a great idea... He is not on any diet restrictions so i ordered his favorite food from a sub shop right across the street from the hospital. and with a simple note, "i'm just a phone call away" I know my sister will appreciate it. thanks again

 

[judyb57]

I am so sorry hon. That is so sad and him being so young only makes it worse. The anger is a normal reaction, he will go through many different emotions for a while. Be there for your sister and help her get through this. While he is in the hospital he will get the help he needs.

 

[labell]

I'm so sorry to hear of this tragedy. All great suggestions above... just do for the family, your sister and the kids, sending the food was a great idea. sometimes just being the strong support person in the sidelines is the most important job...

 

[sorcer3ss (RETIRED)]

I'm so glad everyone's suggestions were of help, I bet you feel better now having done something, that was a great idea to send the note with I am just a phone call away.

 

[missmichelle]

I will be keeping your brother-in-law and family in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[ggirl]

I will keep your brother in law and his family in my prayers .

 

[titanic71212]

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. Spoke with sister on the phone and she is so very very sad. It is so hard to listen to someone you love so much sound so bad.

thank you again

 

[sorcer3ss (RETIRED)]

So sorry Titanic, we are all thinking about your family.

 

[MotelPrisoner]

I have been praying for you & your family, Kandy. I know it is so hard to listen to your sister; but it's what sisters do for each other. Keep your hopes up, hun.

Hugs,
MP